Waning Moon
Book
One in The Chronicles of Lily Carmichael
PJ Sharon
Indie Published
Available
NOW!!!
In a
post-apocalyptic future, sixteen-year-old Lily Carmichael has bigger problems
than the end of the world—escape capture, save her family, and avoid falling in
love.
I love how you captured the tone and story essence in this log line, PJ.
ReplyDeleteI was especially impacted by the first part. In fact, you might want to try this without everything after the dash.
Great job!
Stephanie Queen
Thanks for the suggestion, Stephanie. That would shorten it up even more!
DeleteI think it's perfect: gripping, creative and a dash of humor. Loved!
ReplyDeleteThat means so much coming from you, Kristan!
DeleteI found your blog line intriguing. The post-apocalyptic future grabbed me, but avoiding love lumped in with all the other terrors entertained me. I do agree with Stephanie. While I enjoyed the entire log line, you might gain more interest omitting everything after the dash. Don't answer the question, make me buy the book to learn the answer.
ReplyDeleteExcellent, Sandy. You and Steph are on the same page. Shorter is always better with a logline.
DeleteWow, PJ, you pulled me right in. I can't wait to read it
ReplyDeleteGreat, Marian. Thanks for stopping by. Hope you like the book!
DeleteYou did grab my attention
ReplyDeleteThat's the plan, Ana. Thanks for commenting.
DeleteThat's a great one-sentence summary. I noticed its effectiveness the first time I saw the thing.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Dale. An effective summary is exactly what a log line should be. Never an easy task for us wordy authors.
ReplyDeleteVery intriguing line, it's all there.
ReplyDeleteSetting, character, tone, and a hint at plot--that's a lot to fit into a sentence. Intriguing is the best feedback I could hope for. Thanks Ingeborg!
ReplyDeleteI'm in a course in which every meaning of every word is being scrutinized at every level of meaning, let alone placement, so that kind of pickiness may be informing what I say next. But if it's "a post apocalyptic world," isn't the world already Done, so how is she worried about the end of the world? See what I mean? The worst thing that could happen to sixteen-year-old Lily Carmichael is falling in love while she's struggling with the shambles of a post-apocalyptic world and trying to save her family while avoiding capture herself. (Still too long. Ugh.) BTW, this is a great site. I love crowdsourcing.
ReplyDeleteGood point Rhonda. The thing is, post apocalyptic in Dystopian lit is only the end of the world as we know it. If you've survived the apocalypse, the world still exists, right? Otherwise, there would be no point in writing about it:-)
ReplyDeleteAh. Thanks, PJ. :)
DeleteI see Rhonda's point. I think. If I do, then Lily is really trying to survive the chaos of the post-apocalyptic world not the end of it.
ReplyDeleteYou could try using the word civilization instead of world or something like ;that.
Just an idea. : )
Thanks for the feedback, Donna and Rhonda. Your comments make perfect sense.
DeleteI like the whole sentence, even what's after the dash, because it lets me know there will be suspense, drama AND romance. As a reader, If I only read the first part, I don't know if I would have picked it up, too vague for me. I think since this is YA book, it helps the younger readers in their selection, too.
ReplyDeleteI've loved all your books Paula, this one is sure to be another success ;)
I think so too, Lorelei. I wanted to give a sense that the book is not all gloom and doom as many Dystopian stories are. That last bit shows, as Kristan Higgins pointed out, that there is even a bit of humor along with the drama, suspense, and of course, romance. Your support means the world to me. Thanks!
DeleteA line that tells me this 16 year old has her own priorities. It's a very good line.
ReplyDeletemarypres(AT)gmail(DOT)com
Hi Mary, Yes, Lily has her own mind for sure. In this month's RT Book Reviews, the reviewer wrote "an action-packed read with a strong female lead." I'm happy to create heroines that girls can admire and learn from. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great the way it is! Gives me everything I need to know to want to read the book. And I did. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rhonda. You are such a great supporter!
ReplyDelete